Whose Line, Hogwarts Style
by Hope Wheeler
Summary: All your favorite witches and wizards take their turns at the wonderful improv game show Whose Line is it Anyway?


The insanity begins . . .

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Amid the shouts of a loud audience in a brightly lit studio, the camera lens circles around, finally coming to rest Hermione sitting at a desk with a stack of cards.

"Good Evening, ladies and gentleman, and welcome to Whose Line is it Anyway – the show where no wands are allowed, and the points are as worthless as Filch and Mrs. Norris!" The audience quiets down as she prepares to introduce the cast members. "Please welcome the cast of the show – first up, Dolores "Sweet as rotten candy" Umbridge!" Dolores, sitting with her legs crossed and arms folded, smiles fakely at the camera. ":Severus "I hate everyone" Snape!" Snape stops arguing with Sirius next to him to scowl. "Sirius "Never saw a prank I didn't try first" Black!" Sirius grins, stands and takes a dramatic bow. "And finally, Minerva "Try that when my back isn't turned" McGonagall!" The Hogwarts professor smiles slightly and waves at the camera. "Now, let's get this thing with a little game we call Party Quirks, and this one is for Snape, Umbridge, McGonagall, and Sirius. McGonagall, you are the host." The sound effect for the doorbell plays, and McGonagall moves to answer it. The first guest, Sirius, enters. He is pretending to be Severus Snape.

"Good evening," McGonagall greets him.

"Ten points from Gryffindor for the Head of House being too bloody cheerful," Sirius announced in a ridiculously monotone voice, trying to sound sincere. "Is that Potter brat coming? I was hoping to pointlessly torture him this evening because I can't get over how mean his father and friends were to me when I was in Hogwarts."

"No, I do not believe Harry will be present this evening. And please, you'll ruin the atmosphere of the party with your sniveling, Severus."

"Darn!" Sirius exclaimed, now in his normal voice, as he walked back to his seat. "I guess I was too good at that." He shivers. "Scary thought." The doorbell rings again, this time it is Umbridge. Her assignment is pretending to be playing seeker on a Quidditch team during a thunderstorm.

"Hello," McGonagall says as she lets Umbridge in. "How are you . . ." Umbridge shakes her hand while never taking her eyes off the sky.

"Stupid rain!" McGonagall watches her for a while, confused, before the doorbell rings yet again. As she turns to answer it, she is almost run over by Umbridge, who has taken to running in large circles around the platform. The doorbell rings again; either Hermione is easily bored, or just can't wait for Snape to play his role. McGonagall opens the door, but Snape is still a few feet away, apparently sulking.

"C'mon, Professor," Hermione urges. Snape walks slowly over to the "doorway" and enters with a slight bounce. His role is that of the Easter Bunny.

"Good evening," McGonagall greets with an amused look on her face as the former Hogwarts professor bounces past, holding his hands in fists, next to each other right in front of his chest.

"Have a chocolate egg," Snape mutters in response. McGonagall, who has already figured out his pretend persona but doesn't want to end his humiliation so soon, turns to look for Umbridge. Dolores has by now left the stage, and is panting as she runs down the aisles through the audience, riding a pretend broomstick. Suddenly she looks up at the sky and jumps to the side.

"Why do we always end up practicing during storms!" she yells loudly as she dives toward the stage with her hand reaching out to grab something in the air.

"Because you're a lousy Quidditch seeker, and you need all the help you can get," McGonagall answers. Umbridge sighs in relief before collapsing in her chair upstage from exhaustion. Sirius, sitting two chairs down, laughs at her.

"How long's it been since you played?" he asks, grinning. Umbridge again glares at him in reply before wiping her forehead. McGonagall has been observing Snape the entire time as he jumps stiffly around the stage, placing imaginary items in various places around the platform. Standing with her arms folded and one hand covering her mouth, she walks over toward him.

"Would you, um, like a drink? All that hopping must make you thirsty."

"Or you could just tell everyone what I am and end this nonsense."

"That would be much too easy, and not quite as much fun, Severus. But I suppose the Easter Bunny deserves a break, too." Hermione pushes the buzzer as McGonagall and Snape return to their seats.

"Great job everyone, a thousand points to Sirius just because, a thousand points to Umbridge for wearing herself out (would have been more if she got struck by real lightning), and two thousand points to McGonagall for making Severus look like an idiot for more time than necessary! Okay, everyone, time for a commercial break, but when we come back, it's Scenes From a Hat!"

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Look how nice I am - I even gave you a commercial break so you have time to review::hint hint:  



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